Blinded By Sight
Close your eyes, in the darkness you may not trust your senses, but before long, your nose, your ears, and your finger tips will reveal a whole new world for you.
Having lived all these years, I finally realize how deceiving my sight is, it’s kept me from experiencing many beautiful things around us. The sound of rail, the scent of summer, the smoothness of window, sitting right here inside this compartment, the train has become much more than just a modern transportation with multi-wagon. It is a world, a little world of mine. the talking fades into the background, while the rail is trying to give it some rhythm; the rose on her bag keeps on tickling my nose; the window is unwillingly heated up by the sun, and yet doesn’t give up seeking the shadow to cool itself down. It is a distant wonderland, with this peace for my soul, this freedom for my mind, and this ease for my heart.
An Eternal Memory
Empty minded staring at my computer screen, the beautiful blue flowers are absolutely still in time. They are blooming in a perfect way, in the sun, giving me the unforgetable smile.
Slowly everything is blurred again. Yes, I know this is the third time I couldn’t be myself, gravity acts specially strong on my tears today, the more I try to hold them, the quicker they are pulled down.
“Take them, take as much as you want, you ruthless bastard!”
The deformed blue flowers start laughing at my weakness, my stupidity. For the first time in my life, I feel like such a coward, being laughed but not having the slightest strength to tighten my fists. The shaking fingers can only try their best to beg the cursor to crawl forward.
“Why are you doing this to her? How could you be happily up there enjoying your immortality, while having this terrible curse on your angel?”
He refuses to answer, not even bothered to give a sign.
She is an angel, and was sent to bring happiness to the people. God loves her so much and couldn’t live long without her, so he made sure that she would come back to him. So many of us need happiness in our lives, and we are arranged to meet her. She doesn’t know why, but she tirelessly carries out her duty – lighting up every dark corner of our soul.
I found out the secret about her, and as a mortal I could not stop wanting to have her forever with us. But God, this selfish God wouldn’t listen to my crying, wouldn’t see my wet sleeves, wouldn’t care my bleeding heart.
If only I could use my seconds to keep her time going, if only I could use my tears to keep her eyes shining, if only I could use my life to keep her heart beating, I would give anything in this world.
Behind Instant Messaging
So there I sat, trying to chat with this girl and try to catch a few glimpse of Grey’s Anatomy in between. It always feels great to talk to her, because we have a good connection, besides the chemistry. This time the topic somehow moved onto personal and emtional stuff. Don’t remember how the conversation ended up to that point, but I started to confess about my emotional problem. I’ve always thought the first step to fight your demon is to face it.
I most of the times find it difficult to love someone as who they are. Can’t say I never loved anyone, but just never this selfless and devoted way. The ironic thing is that I would like someone to love me as who I am, because it feels great. Ok, I do sound like a self-absorbed idiot, but I guess that is who I am sometimes. Still try to find out the reason myself, think it is probably my immaturity.
She responded well to my confession. Didn’t seem to take it too personally. After a short pause, she felt obligated to confess something to me as well. Hmmmmmmmmm, this could be interesting. However, she did seem really reluctant to tell me further about it. After some persuation driven my curiocity, she said it was related to me in a way. Hey, we had known each other only for a week now, she is wonderful, but didn’t think I could/should get hurt in anyway from a one-week-relationship.
It was another guy, that is how the story goes most of the time anyway. It was actually an ex, now this is becoming more classic by second. I remember that we have talked about this guy once before, she felt really strong for the guy. I did ask how they broke up. Yeah I usually don’t put a harness on my curiocity, nor on my mouth. At that time, she didn’t really answer the question, but I saw the answer in her eyes. That calm, clear blue relected the deepest sadness. Here now, she mentioned him again, and he just came back into her life. Me, out of all people understand exactly how confusing, and frustrating the feelings must be. Someone that for many times you have imagined spending every minute of your life with, who left for one reason or another just sunk you to the bottom of the sea, now is back. We are opportunity takers, and possess pathetic obsessions with happy-ever-after. Shall I board this love boat again which almost had me killed? It is a dilemma between your brain and your heart, almost without exception, we choose the latter.
I said what I thought was the right thing to say. Yeah, I told her that I was fine with this, and I should give her the space to figure things out. Oh yeah and that one thing, we should be friends. Was I really fine, I don’t know. It was almost funny that how I used instant messaging to communicate with her in a profound way a few minutes back, and now I shielded myself behind it, trying to be the big boy.
It was a sleepless night for me, I guess I liked her more than I thought…
A Scribble from the Past
I did a few poems a while back, when I was probably still a teen. You know how it goes, that is what teens do all the time. Somehow I like this one the most, still felt the same sometimes. Thanks to the girl who inspired me.
Suns or moons
They are my suns, too far to reach, but the distance will never manage to dull their brightness.
Light is what they create, but I am so afraid to look into them;
for that I know the warmth will heat up my blood, and melt my senses.
Please, don’t close them, a cloudy day would bring the deepest sadness to my soul.
They are my moons, too near to miss, but the distance will never be able to quench my desire.
Purity is what they show, and I am so inspired to look into them;
for that I know the softness will calm down my pulse, and ease my pain.
Please, don’t close them, a moonless night would bring the biggest fear to my heart.
